Even in Death
by painterly
Summary: There once was a Queen. She was married to a King. And they loved each other. He promised he'd return. He didn't. When the Queen is forced to remarry, is she true to her undying love? HinataxSasuke with a bit of HinataxGaara COMPLETE
1. Prologue

**Basically AU, slight OOCness (naturally... I mean, they're not my original characters I can't really truly write about them... but I shall try!)**

**A/N: This is.... not me at all. I really don't know where this came from. It's rather dark, I was going to try and write a relatively happy HinataxSasuke story but I guess Winter has me in his clutches. *sigh* Well if this is a royal flunk I'll just try again right? :) Reviews are loved flames will be doused with nonchalant laughter. (Also, the title and story were, I suppose, inspired by Evanescence's song "Even in Death" so check it out if it'll help you get more of the theme here.) **

**Disclaimer: If I owned this, I probably wouldn't be writing this right now. **

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_"Did you love him?"_

_She looked up and realized her face was stinging with tears. Hastily wiping them away with her gloved fingers, she cleared her throat. _

_"Did you love him?" he asked again. Louder this time. _

_She locked eyes with him. White and White fading in and out of focus through tears. _

_And time seemed to stand still, and the snow seemed to fall slower and through the curtain of white, she could see more than she ever had before. Her opaque eyes widened. He was crying for her._

_"Yes," she breathed. Her naturally quiet voice barely audible. "I love him still .... more than I will ever love anyone else."_

One Year Ago....

It was a masked ball amongst friends. Everyone knew each other. Even bitter rivals could recognize their opponents mannerisms, their laughter. Only nobles and higher middle-class families were invited. Not to appear pretentious, but simply because that was how things were done in high society.

Sasuke Uchiha grinned under his deep blue and silver painted mask. He dipped it low beneath his mouth and swooped down to his love next to him to steal a kiss. She blushed and swiftly removed her mask temporarily to share an intimate moment in a crowd. Within a second their masks were placed securely on their faces and they were happy.

Hinata subtly entwined their hands together and lead her fiance onto the dance floor. Her lavender gown sweeping in large circles around her feet.

People laughed, danced, ate, drank and listened to the musicians on the stage in the grand ballroom. No engagement party was more grand in all the land. Or there shouldn't have been, for the King was marrying a princess (soon to become a Queen) of a brother land, tightening the bonds between the kingdoms. But not only was it a marriage by truce, but a marriage of love. For Sasuke Uchiha and Hinata Hyuga loved each other. Deeply.

The waltz ended and a light applause was scattered throughout the hall. Sasuke gazed down at Hinata, his left hand resting on her hip, his right holding her hand.

"Excuse me? Excuse me- Ladies and Gents!" The music was softened and the chatter lowered as the king's best friend, Naruto Uzumaki stood up at the top of the hall holding a champaign glass in his hand. He was grinning ear to ear.

"Well I know I'm not supposed to make a toast until the wedding reception but I just can't help it." He cleared his throat. "I never thought grumpy old Sasuke would get hitched. And all I can do is question Hinata's taste in men. But whatever the reason you two are together, I am thoroughly happy for you both. Long live the King! Long live the Queen!" and the entity of the hall raised their glasses to toast.

Three Months Later

"I do."

And they kissed.

He loved her more than he had ever loved anyone before. She gave herself to him and him to her. They were truly together.

And they were happy.

Sasuke caressed his wife's sleeping face. She stirred but did not wake. She smiled in her sleep. That smile he lived for. That smile he needed, craved, loved, obsessed over, wanted, and altogether kept him standing.

Five Months Later

"Another miscarriage I don't know if My Lady will ever be able to bear children..."

"Hush, she might hear you."

Hinata wept. For five months they had been trying. At first the pleasure of togetherness was beautiful. But as the topic of bearing children hung in the back of her mind making love became less and less alluring.

This was her third miscarriage. Her third baby heir murdered by fate.

Two Months Later

"The kingdom of Sand is leading an attack on our kingdom. I must go to war Hinata."

"..."

"Hinata..."

"I know."

He held her and she held him as if if she dared let go of him she would break and would lose some pieces in the process. How could she ever put herself back together without him?

"I love you."

"I love you."

"I'll come back. I will come back for you."

He didn't return.

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Well there's the prologue. I know I know. Rushed, boring, yadda yadda yadda. It's just a set up. The main plot is still to come into play here. Hope someone isn't bored enough to read the next one o.O

Anywhoo, happy Turkey Day everyone!


	2. Chapter 1: Glass

**A/N: Hullo! Soo.... I changed the pairings! It is no longer slightly Neji/Hinata. It is now slightly Gaara/Hinata. ****Well at least I changed it early on! I feel that this pairing will make the story go more smoothly. Now that I'm on break, I will probably be able to update at least one or two more times :)**

**Also, I think this chapter is a little confusing so if you have any questions review or message me or something and I can clarify. If I get enough complaints I may even change the chapter :P**

**Disclaimer: Do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it**

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Two weddings in one year.

Must have been a record, right?

Hinata stood still as three maids bustled around her, smoothing out this, fixing that, buttoning this, fastening that. She knew what they were doing. She had gone through this already. An engagement party. To unite Sand and Fire. (1)Glass... that's how she felt. So translucent. So breakable.

When she was a child, an old beggar woman had looked into her eyes and told her that she was destined to marry a king.

And Hinata did marry a king.

And she was marrying another king. Gaara.

He was fierce, serious, and his gaze made her tremble. When he locked his misty green eyes on her opaque ones, she felt honored and petrified at the same time. Was this what it felt like to know that someone was their superior and they knew it as well?

There were few superiors in Hinata's life. Her father, Sasuke, and now Gaara.

Sasuke treated her like a delicate flower. He would place a firm hand on the small of her back everywhere they went together, as if assuring her that he was there, and assuring _himself _that_ she_ was there as well.

Gaara walked next to her with his hands held behind his back. Gaze forward. As if he couldn't be bothered to acknowledge her. With him she felt cold.

After the war, after Sasuke was killed in battle, the Kingdom of Sand had taken over. King Gaara had come to Hinata and told her the news himself. He assured her that if she married him the two kingdoms would unite and no further harm would come to her, now two, kingdoms. She had accepted his *threat*proposal. For the sake of her kingdoms.

The maids finished dressing her and Hinata glared in her looking glass. Willing the deceptive and weak compound to shatter. It did not. Why couldn't she be like a mirror? Deceiving all and still remain as strong as a cold rock.

_Later that Night..._

Soft music wafted throughout the dance hall. Lords and Ladies, nobles, laughed, talked amongst each other. Gossiping, greeting, faking smiles, smirking sincerely, secretly wishing each of the other kingdoms would lay down and die.

_"That damn queen..."_

"How lovely to see you lord Naruto!"

_"Why did she have to marry our precious king?"_

"Long time no see Lady Sakura, how are you?"

_"All she ever wanted was power."_

"Shino old friend!"

_"What a deceptive little-"_

"Still training those dogs I see..."

_"Horrid Sand Kingdom."_

"You just got married as well?"

_"Terrible tyrant of a king."_

"I hear you're courting that Lord Shikamaru eh?"

_"I can't believe the Fire King died..."_

"What a lovely engagement party!"

_"Poor queen Hinata..."_

Thoughts at the party.

Both concealed and spoken. Said and unsaid.

Three kingdoms. One banquet.

Hinata and Gaara sat next to each other at the head of the hall, each in his or her own thrown. Hinata with her hands in her lap. Clenching and unclenching. Gaara's hands resting mightily on the arm wrests. Finally it was near the end of the night. Hinata's legs began to feel weak from sitting for so long. A new melody struck up and suddenly Gaara pulled his fiance up and into his arms. Whisking her across the ballroom.

"It's time to dance Hinata." He murmured into her ear. Hinata clenched her jaw. Squeezing her tongue between the roof of her mouth and her teeth she she wouldn't scream. A second ago she had ached to dance, to relieve the constant tension. This was worse.

Gaara led her through a silky waltz. Parting the nobles like the sea.

Kankuro stood up on her chair. The dancing stopped. The music halted. All eyes were on him and his champaign glass. He was grinning ear to ear.

_Like Naruto was..._

"I'd just like to say best wishes to our soon to be King and Queen of Sand, Fire and Wind kingdoms (2)! May the elements find harmony with each other!"

"Here here!"

A roar was heard through the hall. Not because they were enthusiastic but because they were many.

_One Month Later..._

Hinata dragged her curls out. Dragged multiple pins in her hair out bringing some inky locks with them. She splashed ice water onto her painted face watching as she finger tips came off colored. She tore the horrid dress off. Tearing the material at the sleeve slightly. She kicked the shoes off. She snapped the necklace and bracelet that were hung on her like ornaments on a tree. Wincing she nearly ripped her earrings out of her earlobes. Disgusting. She felt disgusting. She stood in her undergarments in the stark white bathroom. Shivering. And weeping.

"Hinata..." She looked up. What? Oh- Gaara. Right. She had nearly forgotten. It was her wedding night. Again. Well... might as well get it over with. Her clothes were already off.

_Later..._

_Hinata..._

**S-Sasuke?**

_Hinata... how could you forget me...?_

**No Sasuke I never forgot you! It was you! You left me-**

_No Hinata you left me...._

**No Sasuke don't leave me please! Not agai-**

She awoke with a start. She was reaching out. Blushing Hinata sat up and held her hand close to her body. She blushed deeper to see that she was naked. Hinata looked and saw that her husband was sleeping beside her.

She touched her face to find that she was crying.

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**1 Well I wasn't sure if I should've titled the chapter 'Glass' but I ended up doing it anyway! In case you don't know, Glass is made out of sand so I thought it was fitting. (Fire+Sand=Glass) :P Kind of silly but hey- I'm that kind of girl!**

**2 I decided Hinata's kingdom should be the kingdom of Wind because of their caged bird seal. Get it bird? Wind? Haha....ha? OKay......**

**Haha! Anywhoo, have a nice night guys thanks for reading whether you liked it or not. **


	3. Chapter 2: Sinking

**A/N: Soo... thank you for adding me to your alert list, and reviewing! I very much appreciate it and I'm relieved to see that people actually like this! I'm going to stop apologizing for confusing stories and just let people complain if they must. Just in case I haven't made it clear (which I probably haven't) this is a rather dark fic so... um, don't expect sunshine any time soon. I'm actually having a bit of fun playing with the sadness. I'm also changing the rating because of the implied themes. I don't know, I just don't feel comfortable with it staying as K+. This is kind of a metaphoric chapter, more vague details than I wanted to put in but I'm throwing it to the dogs. **

**_ALSO!_**

**_Song I suggest you listen to as you read this: Eric's Song _by_ Vienna Teng. _**

**_Poem: 'I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings' by Maya Angelou. _If you haven't read it I will put it on my profile.  
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**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, characters and such and such.**

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_Hinata's POV_

I went walking this morning. There was so much sand under my feet it felt as if I were sinking. And sinking I am. But into what, is the question. What is holding me back and letting me fall at the same time? Is it love? Should I let go and fall? Fall where? Into Gaara, my new awaiting husband? Do I feel guilty that I have not yet opened up and truly felt him, truly loved him, if not as a husband then as a person? Do I dare let go of my love, _acknowledge the past_, and love yet again? For the sake of loving? Or for the sake of my kingdom?

_Normal POV_

She gave in. That very night. When he came to her, eyes darkened by impatience and frustration, hands strong from years of war, drew back the curtains and ignored the strings pulling at her heart.

It was strange. She though. How they fit together. A contrast of sorts. He was more like fire than Sasuke ever was. Odd how Sasuke had ruled the fire kingdom and Gaara had not. Gaara was like a flame, peaking in great bursts then simmering down to a low boil were you could smell danger but could not see it.

Hinata doused him, letting him burn her, scorch her, until he was out and she was left with the remains and the memories.

But how she handled this rage! She calmed him, soothed him, almost like a mother would a child, except more intimate. She caressed his hair and breathed in his scent. She let him touch her and then as soon as she was beginning to feel something close to love she was pulled back- violently- into the world of darkness were she had just recently, for a split second escaped.

_You've forgotten..._

And her world, once more, was black.

_Later..._

Gaara sat at the edge of the bed on his side. Bare legs hanging off, feet firmly on the ground. He ran a hand through his hair. _Sasuke. _She had called out_ Sasuke. _He would have been a fool if he didn't know who she was thinking of. Her former husband, her _love_. But she hadn't called out in pleasure- oh no. She had a look of horror in her eyes as if she was thinking, "Oh no- why?" and a split second later put a thought with a face and said his name.

What made her so sad? What made her so willing in the beginning? What made woman so fickle? He didn't know. He looked over to see Hinata, wrapped in sheets, hands clutching at the pillow beneath her head. A vision in stark white.

She looked so peaceful, how could he even imagine hurting her-

"No..."

He frowned. She was talking in her sleep..?

"I didn't forget... I couldn't have..."

Forget what?

"Please- Sasuke don't leave me-!"

Oh.

Hinata trembled in her dreams. She coiled into a small ball and tears leaked from under her eyelids. She awoke. Suddenly. He was troubled, she could see it in his face.

Soundlessly, he turned on his side, lied down, closed his eyes, and pulled her to him, embracing her completely.

Winter

Winter in the desert is cold. And bare. And it does not snow. Hinata loved snow. So he took her to her homeland to enjoy the season. The kingdom of Wind.

Once there, she took in the smells: the smell of trees stripping themselves bare, the smell of snow stirring above, the smell of Persephone gazing up at her dark King as he holds out his hand and beckons her into the Underworld (1).

Gaara hated it. The Cold, the wind, the biting chill, and especially the need of boots to shelter you feet from getting wet when they got wet anyway.

Hinata loved it. The white, the air, the feel of home, and the memories the smells brought to the front of her eyes.

They stayed in her old palace. She slept in her old bed, the bed she had slept in before she had even met Sasuke. Gaara slept with her. For some reason she didn't feel comfortable sleeping with him in the canopy bed. And she requested that they sleep in the royal chambers instead. So they walked to the west wing and slept in her dead parent's chambers. A stiff mattress with stone floors and walls. It held less memories than her old room had.

When in the Wind Kingdom she met up with her cousin, lord Neji, while Gaara was consulting his council. He had been her childhood playmate, her protector. And suddenly her heart spilled over and she was telling him the entire story of how Sasuke came to her in her dreams and how she had tried, she had tried _so hard_, but it hadn't worked. Sasuke had reeled her back in.

He held her, distressing at her sadness. He held her close, and tight. He was warm. She needed him then.

"Would you like to go see him?" He asked her.

Hinata shook. "Yes," was all she could say.

"Then I'll take you." He said. Determined now. "I will take you to him my Queen. We leave, tonight."

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1 Persephone (Per-sef-O-nee) is the daughter of the Greek Goddess Demeter. In a nutshell, one day Hades kidnapped Persephone and made her his queen. Zeus finally freed her from captivity, but before she left she had eaten four pomegranate seeds. Pomegranate being the fruit of the gods, Zeus made her go down every year for four months (one month for every seed she ate). That is why there are the cold seasons where not crops grow.

**A pretty silly "cliff", but whatever! The next chapter will most likely be the last, so... um thank you for coming this far in the ride! This is a short story unless I feel to make a sequel which probably won't happen seeing as with the ended I'm planning a sequel would be odd. So reviews are loved, and happy Thanks Giving since it's tomorrow! Woo Hoo! **


	4. Chapter 3: Ashes

**A/N: Well I hope everyone had a filling Thanks Giving! I know I did! And for the story I really hope the ending doesn't make anyone mad... After this I want to write a happy one! **

**I also want to thank** _WinterKaguya_** for their lovely review! But I have to say, that adding Gaara in as a lover, really sort of jumped out at me. I actually had no intention of really incorporating him in the story very much. But I see what you mean, and I thank you! It's just that Gaara is hard for me to write about, and also, in my eyes at least, not very 'main' since I wanted this to be a very SasukexHinata story. But I think I will try and add more of him, so here I go! **

**Disclaimer: I don't in any way, shape, or form, own Naruto. **

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Like most of the kings of the fire kingdom, Sasuke had been cremated. His ashes were in a marble urn that stood in the middle of a raised platform carved out of stone, with a roof, pillars, and a steps leading up to his small chamber. On the stone at the foot of his resting place was a plaque with his name on it.

King Sasuke Uchiha

The 13th Ruler of The Fire Kingdom

Beloved Son, Brother, and Husband

Half of the ashes had been placed in the torches that lit the gates of the capitol city, as was tradition.

Hinata watched those flames dance and fly as she let her horse carry her into the city. Neji watched her like a hawk, wondering if she would fall off her steed. For the entire journey she had looked sick. He had offered to fetch a carriage but she had insisted on riding. She said they could get to the city faster. He had complied.

The Gate Masters bowed their heads as The Queen and her cousin passed through the gates. They knew she was still in mourning and were still loyal to her. Hinata had been a good queen while she was married to Sasuke. As of late, she had had nothing to do really. Gaara had taken care of everything...

_Three Weeks Earlier...._

_"Did you have a good sleep?"_

_Hinata looked up. Blinking she realized that her new husband had addressed her. She took a small sip of water and swallowed before answering him._

_"Fine," and then, "Thank you," as an afterthought. _

_"Don't expect me around this week. The Water Kingdom is coming to discuss a truce." Gaara sighed as he finished up his breakfast. _

_"And Earth Kingdom?" Hinata was quite curious about them. They seemed calm enough but she had friends there and it would be a shame to go to war with them. _

_".... We've yet to hear from them." He answered as if he hadn't expected her to be interested. Hinata couldn't tell whether he was happy or not about her inquiring. _

_"Perhaps I could send a message. I know their queen, Queen-" She began. _

_"That won't be necessary," He cut in bluntly. _

_She shut her mouth. _

_"I'll have one of my advisors send a messenger in person. This matters should be handled in a structured way, not by little messages to friends of yours."_

_He didn't mean this to hurt her of course, but he was not used to Hinata and her eager-to-please attitude. With Sasuke, she would have been able to help him by way of her connections with Earth Kingdom. Obviously Gaara didn't want to get her tangled up in politics. But she, being in a rather fragile state, took it the wrong way._

_"I see." And she swiftly left the table._

_How oh how will I ever grow to love that man...?_

_End Flashback_

Gaara ran a hand through his hair. What a day. What an evening. He had had no time to eat, and he was uncomfortably empty. Hinata didn't know how much she was loved. Ever since they arrived in the kingdom of the Wind, locals had been bombarding him with questions. Maids giving him dirty looks. Children hugging their mothers closer and people whispering then halting as soon as he came within their hearing range. Even worse were those who came to him and dared to challenge his authority.

"SO where is the lovely queen this afternoon? I hope you're treating her in respects m'lord."

"You know what _King Sasuke_ would do for her? He would make she she received a white lily with her breakfast every morning."

"I never knew the Queen to be so fickle with men before, please enlighten me King Gaara."

"Oh I remember how Queen Hinata would light up whenever King Sasuke's name was mentioned. Does that happen often with you King Gaara?"

And so on and so on.

Gaara could hardly believe it. He actually sent two to the dungeons and one to jail. But those had been ones who had seriously crossed the line (Implying vulgar ideas). At least in his homeland, people were polite and kept their gossip to themselves.

Biting hungrily into an apple, he sighed. Some holiday. Well, at least Hinata was enjoying herself. _Hinata... _What had she done all day? Play in the snow?

Gaara chuckled to imagine his small wife prancing around and tumbling into a snow drift, only to resurface- red faced - and dive back down again, giggling as she went. How he wished he could enjoy the wet, stinging _stuff_ half as much as she did. Then maybe he would be happier.

Finishing up his treat, Gaara washed his hands and made his way to his chambers expecting Hinata to be waiting in bed, reading a book perhaps. He'd then climb in with her and maybe tonight-

She wasn't there.

Where was she? What could she possibly be doing at this time of night? Gaara felt tired. Too tired to wait up for her. But he felt like embracing her for some reason, and so he went off through the castle calling for her.

Of course the servants didn't say a word. That is, of course, until he got a hold of one of them and demanded to know where his wife was. The small gardener gave way easily and off Gaara was, in a gallop to the kingdom of Fire.

_In Fire Kingdom_

Thirteen Monuments. Lined up in the center of the city.

Hinata walked by each of them, caressing it's smooth surface slowly. Taking it it. The Queens were burned, or buried according to their family's tradition and placed wherever their families wished them to be placed. So most of the Queens were not resting with their husbands. The previous King and Queen were together though. Sasuke's older brother and his wife were together in their small monument. Itachi had been a great ruler.

Hinata smiled bitterly as she thought of his end. This one family, so young. Now, she too would be part of this grave yard.

Neji felt nervous. He felt as if he had brought her to the place were- well he could not utter it. He watched as she moved slowly through the falling snow. Ankles deep. He watched as he eyes glazed over. Oh if only he knew what she was thinking!

Hinata then startled him. She turned and looked at her darling cousin through misty eyes. She beckoned him. He went to her.

"In the castle I left a necklace with a locket on it. It's in my vanity. Fetch it for me and bring it to my sister. I think it's time she had it."

Neji, unable to find a reason as to why his cousin would want such a thing done, bowed his head and did as he was bid. Before he left her, he looked at her one more time. Simple robes, white cloak. Dark hair contrasting violently against her background. The only reason such beauty was prized was because it did not last. He would keep the image of her in his mind forever.

Hinata let out a shaky breath and groped around in her cloak pocket. She pulled out a vile of clear lamp oil. Walking to Sasuke's monument she raised the vile towards him.

"A toast." She said aloud. But no more words came out of her mouth. She could not think of any. Keeling over, she wept and let the snow mask her, a bent figure in the yard.

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_With Hanabi: _

_"My Lady!" _

_Hanabi looked up from her studies. In rushed her cousin looking shaken and chilled. He had fresh snow on him, and his hair was in a messy array. _

_"Neji did you ride here from the Fire kingdom-?"_

_"My Lady, I don't know why but I feel as if you should have this at once!" He rushed towards her and thrust a silver locket at her. The locket had a cage with a bird flying out of it engraved on the outside of the oval figure. She looked at him questioningly. _

_"Is there... anything inside?"_

_He shrugged. "Open it," he said urgently. She did. _

_Out fell an old piece of paper, flattened by time. She carefully unfolded it layer by layer. Hinata what in the world...?_

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"Did you love him?"

She looked up and realized her face was stinging with tears. Hastily wiping them away with her gloved fingers, she cleared her throat.

"Did you love him?" he asked again. Louder this time.

She locked eyes with him. White and green fading in and out of focus through tears.

And time seemed to stand still, and the snow seemed to fall slower and through the curtain of white, she could see more than she ever had before. Her opaque eyes widened. He was crying for her.

"Yes," she breathed. Her naturally quiet voice barely audible. "I love him still .... more than I will ever love anyone else.... More than you, Gaara."

"You don't have to, you know. You can come back. We can start over again. I'll let you write your letters-"

"It's not about the letters. When Sasuke... when he died he tore away my mind with him. I'm there, Gaara, there in ashes with him. But my body is stuck here, with you and I cannot escape- you _must_ understand!" Her voice was rising and she cracked at the last statement.

She sniffed and fumbled for a match in his cloak pocket.

Pouring the lamp oil over herself it felt like a step closer to her love.

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_With Hanabi: She knotted her eyebrows as she read the simple verse of what seemed to be a poem on the old scrap of paper. Neji read over her shoulder, growing more and more panicked as time went on._

_"The caged bird sings  
with a fearful trill  
of things unknown  
but longed for still..."_

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He felt like holding her to him and never letting go. But he knew he could not. She really was, gone. She had been gone months before. With him. Even in death...

Gaara stepped back, until the monument and Hinata were a good twelve feet away from him. He sobbed freely now, just realizing how sad he felt and how utterly world destroying it was to know that he could do absolutely nothing but watch.

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_"...and his tune is heard  
on the distant hill..."_

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"I haven't forgotten, Sasuke, never..." she whispered, her voice getting tangled in the snow. She lit the match- and the storm swallowed her up in it's it's arms. Not a sound was made. Her body fell, delicately in the hands of the wind, and was covered with blankets of clean, white sheets.

A last.

In ashes with her beloved.

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_"...for the caged bird  
sings..."_

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And he wept, and she

was free.

_ of freedom. _

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**Was that ending too cheesy? Ah well, I'm rather satisfied with it :) Hope you all liked it, thank you **_**very**_** much to everyone to reviewed and added this to their alert lists! Hope I didn't make a horrible last chapter! In the future I hope to write something happy so.... um yep! **


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